


Too Scared

by Miracles_happen



Category: Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M, POV Bram Greenfeld, Shy Bram Greenfeld, spierfeld
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18964924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miracles_happen/pseuds/Miracles_happen
Summary: Bits and pieces about the T-Shirt fromSimon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agendafrom Bram’s POV.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Omg, this was a struggle not to write in sentence fragments but oh well. Anyway, I just finished rereading SVTHSA and I wanted to write this. The next chapters will be longer I promise.

I stare at his locker, plastic bag in hand. It should be simple, really. All I need to do is walk over there and loop the bag in the handle. I would just be quick, just in and out. And yet, I feel myself hesitating, the bag feeling heavy in my hands. It should be light, really. It’s just a T-Shirt. And yet, it’s so much more than a simple T-Shirt. It’s my declaration of love for Simon. Even if he himself has said how he feels about me, I haven’t; I’ve been a coward. 

I take a deep breath and walk to the locker and loop the bag around the handle, ignoring the trembling of my hands. I gulp as I step back, and it’s a big effort not to run away down the hallway to make sure no one sees me. 

At this point, this is the most I can do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So halfway through I completely forgot the tone I was writing in, so this ought to be interesting. This’ll probably turn into a canon divergence

It was all Garrett’s idea, hanging out with Nick on Saturday. He said something about “hanging out with just the soccer boys.” I, being the single nobody I was, accepted this offer to hang out in Garrett’s basement like we had done so many times since freshman year. Here—crashed on the old couch, beating Garrett at Mario Kart—makes me almost forget my whole dilemma with Simon. Of course, all of that crashes down once Nick gets here. 

“Hey guys,” Nick greets us excitedly as he comes downstairs. Garrett’s mom probably directed him downstairs because she’s just that nice, like Garrett. He insisted on inviting Nick, even after I protested. I had told him about the whole Simon-Jacques situation as soon as Simon guessed I was someone else, when he wanted me to be someone I wasn’t. 

Garrett and I exchange a look. “Hey, Eisner, what’s up?” Garrett asks, not getting up from his position on the couch. 

“Nothing,” he says, happily collapsing into a beanbag. He adjusts himself so that he’s observing me destroying Garrett. 

“Liar,” Garrett protests, tossing popcorn at him. Nick blocks it, laughing. 

“I promise, it’s nothing.” I give him a look, momentarily allowing Garrett to take the lead. I’ve learned that I’m much better at getting people to talk by just giving them looks. Maybe it’s that I’m shy and don’t like to talk that much, but either way, Nick cracks. “Okay, okay, Abby and I got together.”

Both Garrett and I are shocked, Garrett dropping the controller and driving off a cliff. I recover faster, pausing the game to pester Nick. 

“Well, don’t stay silent, Eisner, tell us,” Garrett demands. 

“Tell you what?” Nick asks, feigning ignorance as he reaches for the popcorn. If he thinks he can pretend not to know anything about what we’re talking about after he has gushed about Abby to us after almost every practice, he’s insane. To be honest, Nick bringing up Abby reminds me that right now, I could be in a relationship with Simon. If I wasn’t so scared, I could’ve just asked him out and we’d be together. Despite that Simon has already told me how he feels about Blue, he obviously doesn’t feel the same about Bram. If he did, he would’ve guessed it was me. 

“You know what,” Garrett pesters, snapping me into reality. 

“Well, after the performance, Abby, Simon, and I went to Midtown.” I subconsciously tense at the mention of Simon and Garrett kicks me. I’m still not out to Nick, and I intend to keep it that way. No matter how much I grow to trust Nick, I’m just not ready to be out to more than 3 people right now. 4, including Simon, but he doesn’t really know it’s me. “And we hung out and went to a gay bar.” At this, I truly lock up. The thought of Simon at a gay bar just does something to me. He’s out there, comfortable to expose his sexuality to the world, go to a gay bar, and I’m here, stuck in the closet and Garrett’s old basement. I am almost certain it was all Abby’s idea to go to the bar, but still, Simon agreed, which means he’s far braver than I ever could be. “Abby and I sat at a table together, alone, ‘cause it was also, like, a diner.”

“Oh, spicy,” Garrett says, grabbing a fistful of popcorn. I take a sip of my soda, attempting to look uninterested to Simon’s whereabouts. “Where was Spier?”

“Get this, he was chatting up a random college guy who bought him drinks.” I spew out my soda, choking. If anything was a sign that Simon didn’t like me anymore, that he didn’t care about Blue anymore, it was this: flirting with a gay stranger. Everything he had said about Blue, about how he was the only one, how he meant the world to him, was over. Simon didn’t care about Blue anymore. I was too late, too cowardly, too scared. 

I vaguely recognize Nick laughing and making a snarky comment, but don’t react; my head is spinning too fast. “Hey, you good?” Garrett whispers into my ear, rubbing circles on my back, trying to calm me down. It’s funny, I don’t even realize that I’m choking. I take deep breaths, focusing on something other than Simon. Simon Simon Simon Simon Simon. 

Slowly, I nod and motion for Nick to continue. I don’t want to make a big deal of the fact that Simon has moved on. It’s fine, really. He has the right to be with whoever he wants, even if that isn’t me. 

“Anyway,” Nick continues, “so we leave the bar, and Simon’s, like, completely hammered.” Honestly, can Nick stop mentioning Simon? It’s making my head spin. “And we get in the car, ready to go to Abby’s house for a sleepover. Then, out of the blue, Simon is like, ‘I need to get a shirt.’” I can’t feel my heartbeat. “And me and Abby are confused, ‘cause Simon’s house is the opposite direction of Abby’s. So we’re like, ‘you have a shirt on.’ But then he insists we need to get it, ‘cause it’s not to sleep in.” I’m not sure if I’m breathing. It can’t be my shirt. Could it? I spasm, gasping for air. I need to get out, I need fresh air, I need—

Quietly excusing myself, I stumble upstairs and into the backyard. Behind me, I hear Nick ask if I’m okay, but I pay no attention. I need to think. 

The crisp cold air hits me like a wall as soon as I exit the house. It’s refreshing and clears my head. Simon kept the shirt. He didn’t throw it away. He still cares about Blue, enough to sleep with the shirt. He sleeps with the shirt. I blush just thinking about it, how cute Simon is to literally sleep with a shirt from Blue. If I had any doubts that I loved Simon, this clears it away. _He sleeps with my shirt_. This explains why he hasn’t texted or called me. He just hasn’t seen the note I wrote. Honestly, it took the longest to wrote my phone number. I would like to say that I had to think for hours about what to write, that I thought long and hard to formulate a nice note, but it didn’t. It took 30 seconds to gather my thoughts and write how I felt. It took me 30 minutes to write the number. It just scared me, that after months of secrecy, I just give Simon my number, a line to reach me and see my identity. The truth is, I want Simon to know who I am. I want to be in a relationship with Simon, to be able to tell him how wonderful and adorable he is on a daily basis. All I need to do is just tell him that. 

How the fuck am I supposed to act with Simon tomorrow?

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments!!! <3


End file.
